Between Inner Resistance and Healing Change – how You Deal with Guilt in EMDR
Guilt is one of the emotional landscapes that has a particularly deep and multi-layered effect. It influences your self-image, your ability to trust yourself – and often your path in EMDR processing. Many people find that they work emotionally and mentally with a distressing memory, but as soon as it comes to allowing a positive thought, something blocks it. In this article, we take a close look: Why guilt causes this block, what the classic EMDR process involves – and how you can still make progress in self-coaching.
1. What is guilt – and where are its roots?
Guilt often arises from the feeling of having done something wrong, of having violated one’s own values – or because things didn’t go the way you would have liked. They can result from actual events, from expectations that were never met, or from inner images of how it should have been. Sometimes they are rooted deep in experiences in which you felt responsible – be it for your own life or the well-being of others.
This guilt is rarely purely rational. It has emotional, moral and often physical components: a pull in the stomach, a lump in the throat, sleepless nights. It is not just a thought process – it is connected to your whole system.
2. The classic EMDR procedure – and what the third phase means
Before we look at self-coaching, it is helpful to understand the procedure in classic EMDR – especially phase 3, the so-called assessment phase.
In phase 3, the following happens:
- You will be invited to remember the distressing memory – the most disturbing image, that situation that carries the most pain for you.
- You name the negative cognition (NC): the distressing sentence that is connected to the memory, e.g. “I am to blame”, “I was powerless” or “I failed”.
- Then a positive cognition (PC) should be formulated: “What would you rather think about yourself?”
- The PC is evaluated with the VoC scale (1 = unbelievable, 7 = completely believable).
- The emotional degree of distress is determined – with the SUD scale (0 = no distress, 10 = maximum distress).
- Then you describe your body sensations: Where do you feel the feelings?
This phase is crucial because it lays the foundation for phase 4 – the actual processing.
3. Why guilt makes it so difficult to allow a positive cognition
Guilt is not a problem that simply disappears. It has a profound effect because it combines several psychological dynamics:
- Ambivalence: Rationally, you may know that you were not responsible. Emotionally, however, you hold on to inner images.
- Self-protection: Guilt creates a feeling of control. You believe: If I am to blame, I could have changed it.
- Bonding: Guilt can connect you internally with people who have been harmed.
- Familiarity: Guilt is often old, known, familiar. The new seems foreign, even threatening.
4. Self-protection – not a mistake, but an important indication
The inner resistance is not a sign of weakness, but of a functioning self-protection system. Your body, your psyche want to protect you. When feelings of guilt become visible, it is a sign: You are ready to find a new way of dealing with them.
5. How an experienced therapist can help
In professional EMDR sessions, targeted questions, empathetic support and structured processes help to develop a positive thought that feels coherent. Especially with guilt, this process is complex and requires tact.
6. How does it work differently in self-coaching?
In self-coaching, the therapeutic follow-up questions are omitted. That’s why I adapted my own EMDR self-coaching model:
- The classic phase 3 is deliberately simplified.
- After feeling the image, the emotion and the body reaction, you can go directly into processing.
- Only afterwards is a first positive thought invited.
This thought does not have to be perfect, logical or appropriate. It may seem banal or even absurd:
- “My kettle looks like a duck.”
- “My houseplant always leans to the same side.”
- “I remember the sound of gravel under my shoes.”
These seemingly unrelated thoughts can trigger a quiet smile. And that is exactly the beginning. The beginning of an inner movement.
7. Practical impulses: What you can do concretely
- Feel your body – perceive the stress without judgment.
- Name the image, thought, feeling and body sensation.
- Formulate a first positive thought – or simply take what comes spontaneously.
- Repeat this thought if it feels good. Let it work.
Read the instructions for EMDR self-coaching: Download the instructions for EMDR self-coaching in 6 steps
8. Why this is important for your path
If you get stuck in phase 3, phase 4 never begins. By simplifying the self-coaching, you enable yourself to take the next step – even without a perfect answer. It’s not about conviction, it’s about permission. A quiet thought like: “I am allowed to continue differently” can change everything.
9. Summary and invitation
- Recognize the effect of guilt.
- Don’t formulate a perfect sentence – but one that feels just a little lighter.
- Trust that the first thought is enough. It sets you in motion.
If you allow yourself to think a new thought, then that is not a betrayal, but an act of inner responsibility – the responsibility for the most important person in your life: for yourself.
