How we can overcome heartbreak and the distressing symptoms faster through EMDR.
A breakup and the heartbreak that comes with it can be incredibly grueling, upsetting, and most of all, painful. This is especially true when we continue to feel intense feelings for our ex-partner. As a rule, people have enough emotional and mental flexibility and strength to deal with new situations. During separations, these abilities are often overtaxed.
During heartbreak, our heart and soul seem to be afflicted with an almost gigantic heaviness. It is not without reason that people speak of heartbreak. If a painful separation from a beloved partner occurs, we feel the typical symptoms of separation pain. Depending on personal predisposition and experience, everyone experiences these symptoms to varying degrees. Heartache is experienced and dealt with in different ways from person to person.
This is where EMDR love pain coaching usually helps to more quickly overcome the perceived stress of love pain, whether self-coaching or coaching with a coach.
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Self-coaching or coaching with a coach – how do we decide?
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Heartbreak: overview of symptoms
In addition to the pain of separation, heartbreak can trigger many other symptoms that cannot be immediately classified as love pain. For example, headaches or stomach problems can also be caused by lovesickness. It is important to listen to what you feel and how you feel.
Crying fits: Typical of pronounced grief due to a failed relationship are crying fits. Even small inconveniences are enough and they break out. Sometimes they even come seemingly without reason, as if out of nowhere. This reaction indicates a low stress tolerance, which is understandable since our bodies are subjected to massive stress during heartbreak. It is important not to be ashamed of the tears, nor to try to suppress them in any way. Tears and grief are important to overcome grief in the long run. Crying is an important part of grieving and thus coping with the pain of love.
Aggressive behavior: Those who have just been abandoned by their partner are incredibly disappointed, offended, but also angry. After all, a world is collapsing right now. You have the feeling that your future has been taken away from you and somehow everything is going haywire. Life no longer seems to make any real sense. In this context, aggressive behavior can quickly emerge, both internally and externally. Aggression indicates one’s own anger that one may feel after a breakup. And just because anger is a socially outlawed emotion, that emotion belongs to us as human beings; so it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It only makes sense to channel our anger in the right ways. For example, aggressive behavior could have a negative impact on our fellow friendships. Here it is necessary to seek a balance. If you notice aggressive behavior in yourself, you can relieve the stress, for example, through sports or relaxation exercises. Especially in EMDR self-coaching, strong emotions such as anger and rage can be calibrated and regulated quickly and effectively.
Fear of the future: Almost as a matter of course, fear of the future sets in after a breakup. After all, joint plans had been forged – perhaps even over years – which have now all been thrown overboard. You don’t really know how to go on and you can’t even imagine life without your partner yet. Here it is helpful, for example, to ask yourself what you did before the partnership, after all, you had a life there too. So it’s entirely possible to move on without your ex, to go new and your own ways that may make entirely new possibilities come true. Maybe you could finally realize a special dream that was not possible before the separation. Read also: Overcoming fear in EMDR self-coaching with the EMDR goggles REMSTIM 3000.
Tiredness, listlessness, slump in performance and problems falling asleep and staying asleep: The four symptoms mentioned are among the common symptoms of lovesickness. It is important to recognize these symptoms as soon as possible. At first, of course, it is normal not to want to hear or see anything from anyone or anything. At some point, however, there should be a turnaround, so that once also leave the house. However, if this turnaround does not come, professional advice is needed before the heartbreak robs you of all your strength.
Heartbreak: Heartbreak is part of every heartbreak. The heart just gets heavy. It feels like a hard rock that just doesn’t belong in our chest. Ideally, you’d like to get it out of your chest somehow. Heartache as a symptom of heartbreak is usually very difficult to put into words and describe. They simply represent an unpleasant feeling.
General feelings of illness: In addition to the symptoms already mentioned, which are usually of a more psychological nature, there are other symptoms of lovesickness that can be compared to the symptoms of various general illnesses, but usually have a different cause. For example, in the case of lovesickness we complain of general malaise, headaches, aching limbs, chills, shortness of breath, discomfort when swallowing (here especially the well-known lump in the throat); loss of appetite combined with weight loss, or the opposite, i.e. ravenous appetite and weight gain. Furthermore, heartbreak can cause stomach discomfort and diarrhea as symptoms, which can also occur with anxiety.
The amygdala takes control
All the above mentioned places of our physical sensations we do not consciously choose. Of course not. Rather, our brain, or more precisely, the amygdala, our fear center in the limbic system, long ago took care of setting somatic markers, which are located in our body and form our body memory. The goal is to protect us (actually); like from losing loved ones, from humiliation, from being alone, or from being hurt, just to name a few examples. The list is long.
But why do we feel so bad? Well, somatic markers can, depending on their quality, cause extremely strong stressful physical reactions as soon as our amygdala thinks we are in a threatening situation. The extent to which such a bodily reaction is still helpful for us today is not the main issue. It just happens and cannot be consciously controlled. Old patterns are taking over the defense.
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How we learn fear with the help of somatic markers
Our fear reactions are stored in our body memory with the help of somatic markers Particularly during anxiety reactions, people often experience powerful physical sensations so that they feel unable
How Somatic Markers Influence Our Lives
Somatic markers make themselves felt with the help of body reactions of varying intensity It is often observed that one situation (external stimulus) only triggers some goose bumps, while another
Somatic markers form our body memory
Somatic markers are a term for an endogenous signaling system. To better understand how EMDR works, it is very helpful to take a closer look at the renowned theory of
How we learn fear with the help of somatic markers
Our fear reactions are stored in our body memory with the help of somatic markers Particularly during anxiety reactions, people often experience powerful physical sensations so that they feel unable
How Somatic Markers Influence Our Lives
Somatic markers make themselves felt with the help of body reactions of varying intensity It is often observed that one situation (external stimulus) only triggers some goose bumps, while another
Somatic markers form our body memory
Somatic markers are a term for an endogenous signaling system. To better understand how EMDR works, it is very helpful to take a closer look at the renowned theory of
Consider heartbreak and its symptoms as natural!
It is important that sufferers recognize their separation pain symptoms and also see them as natural. Very many people feel incredibly bad after a breakup. This is the most natural thing in the world, after all, an important part that made us for a long time has passed away. The loss weighs heavily, and we react accordingly. The symptoms may and should be accepted calmly. Nevertheless, it is important for everyone to take care of themselves and their health and see how they can help themselves.
Nevertheless, no one is forced to overcome the pain of separation alone: in many cases, quick and professional help can contribute to coming to terms with what has happened and often help people to feel better.
EMDR self-coaching also often supports and accelerates personal coping with the separation.
