Heartbreak – negative thoughts, a state of emotional emergency and strong physical discomfort torment us.
Violent heartbreak makes our body go crazy. It is accompanied by the powerful feeling of hopelessness. But is there really such a thing as heartbreak after a breakup or do we just imagine it all? In the search for answers to the reason for the breakup and solutions to our heartbreak, we encounter more and more questions, most of which are about our past love and leave us permanently brooding. Although most describe the pain of love in a similar way, everyone goes through times of grief and separation pain in a very individual and personal way.
What is heartbreak? – When feelings get to us!
Love is something wonderful. There is no stronger affection and appreciation that a person can have for another person than genuine and deep love. From a biological point of view, the feeling of love can be explained very well; various messenger substances play a role here. For example, dopamine causes euphoria, adrenaline excitement, while cortisol and endorphin trigger intoxicating feelings of happiness and a deep sense of well-being. From this knowledge, we can deduce what happens in our body when we are heartbroken. Because our hormonal balance also plays an essential role in the pain of separation.
But, while one fears his heart could shatter at any moment, the other feels a heavy stone in his stomach. A third, on the other hand, feels disappointment and sadness for only a short time, but quickly gets over it.
Why can different people’s reactions to a breakup or the mere fear of an impending end to our relationship be so different and, on the other hand, so similar?
An explanation is offered by the model of somatic markers according to the famous brain researcher Antonio Damasio, which explains from a neurobiological point of view, despite the individuality of felt love pain, what happens in our body when heartbreak overcomes us.
Understanding love pain: What happens in our body!
When we feel sorrow or grieve for someone, our body is under a lot of stress. During this time, our body is in a state of emergency. In the case of lovesickness, this is by no means different from other mourning processes: for we mourn the (once) beloved person who is now gone, both emotionally and physically. The changes within us are like a roller coaster ride of emotions – constantly going up and down. This hormone interplay causes increasing stress within us, to which many of us usually react by crying. And that’s a good thing. Because crying is an important process to relieve stress in grief situations and heartbreak. It helps us overcome heartbreak and cope with the pain of separation.
What happens when we cry?
When tears flow, they are formed above the eye, in the lacrimal gland. This, even if we do not cry, is a necessary process. This is because it keeps the eye moist with tear fluid every time you blink. The cornea of our eyes is thus protected from drying out. The tears formed not only contain salt, they are also enriched with protein. When we grieve, our bodies produce a relatively large amount of proteins that need to be flushed out of the body. This protein production is a response to stress. Therefore, we should not hold back tears.
Intense heartbreak – when the heart aches and the soul burns
But the fact that we cry when our hearts ache does not explain what exactly is going on in our bodies. Somatic markers are responsible for our intense feeling of grief, through which our body memory makes itself felt and signals us that the experience, the separation represents a threat to us and our emotional I and that we should arm ourselves. Our emotional memory tries to protect us. Love pains are very similar to strong feelings of anxiety, if they do not even represent them in most cases: because those who suffer from heartache are usually afraid:
- Fear of being alone: no one loves me, I will die alone
- Fear of the future: I will never meet anyone again
- Fear of loss: everything that was important to me is now gone
- Fear of being overwhelmed: I can’t do it alone
- Fear of death: I will not survive this
In the course of this, we feel listless, disconsolate and listless, feel no sense of hunger and are generally weary. We feel really bad! You can find quick help here: Practice
Read also:
Overcoming fear in EMDR self-coaching with the EMDR goggles REMSTIM 3000
How we can unlearn our fears in self-coaching with EMDR and the EMDR glasses Remstim 3000. Fear reactions sometimes make themselves felt as quiet sensations, but more often than not,
Overcoming fear in EMDR self-coaching with the EMDR goggles REMSTIM 3000
How we can unlearn our fears in self-coaching with EMDR and the EMDR glasses Remstim 3000. Fear reactions sometimes make themselves felt as quiet sensations, but more often than not,
Our emotional memory influences our thoughts
The connection with our beliefs is obvious. Predominantly unconscious, our emotional memory dominates our own lived beliefs with the help of somatic markers. Our limbic system, part of our brain, influences our brain, specifically the hypothalamus and pituitary gland. Both are thrown out of sync by the perceived stress due to a separation. As a result, additional subconscious fears are additionally addressed and triggered.
Those who recognize this and are able to face their fears are on a good path to getting through heartbreak. To do this, it is very helpful, if not necessary, to look at and question lived patterns of relationships as well as reactions to heartbreak from the past. This is because recurring painful behavior patterns can be recognized and, in the best case, changed or resolved. So that things will be different in the next relationship.
The EMDR method can provide special assistance here, both in self-coaching and in coaching.
Good to know:
When adrenaline, noradrenaline and dopamine are out of balance during heartbreak:
In the case of heartbreak and separation pain, our body creates an excess of adrenaline. This is because a release of the hormone takes place in stressful situations. Adrenaline ensures that the cardiovascular system and metabolism adapt to the exceptional situation. This is followed by an increase in blood pressure, pulse rate and respiratory rate. As soon as the stress subsides, the adrenaline is rapidly released.
In the case of heartbreak and love pain, however, we are exposed to a permanent stress load, which leads to the fact that a reduction of the neurotransmitter is not possible. Consequently, our body is permanently “under power”, which inevitably stresses the entire organism.
Since adrenaline is produced in the adrenal glands and these can reach their limits due to continuous production, a deficiency of adrenaline can occur. A low adrenaline level is often accompanied by chronic fatigue symptoms, impaired concentration and, in the worst case, deep depression or burn-out. One more reason to actively take care of overcoming your own heartbreak. (Help)
Dopamine and norepinephrine decrease with separation:
In addition to adrenaline, dopamine and noradrenaline also play an important role in the case of heartbreak. Dopamine and noradrenaline are absolute happiness hormones. If we are freshly in love and feel passion, the dopamine level in our body is very high. However, if we are disappointed and a breakup occurs, the dopamine content drops significantly – heartbreak ensues. At the same time, however, the level of norepinephrine also drops, which is followed by a drop in motivation, which can also be observed in depression.
