The separation and the resulting final parting from the partner is difficult. EMDR releases blockages and creates serenity for the right decision.
In every relationship there are highs and lows. Sometimes we are less happy, sometimes we could pull out trees for joy. The more intense the love and the inner connection, the easier it is to live with the ups and downs and the easier and faster problems can be solved. However, if the time and the number of lows outweigh the time and they seem more and more hopeless, the thoughts turn more and more often around a separation. The focus is on the all-important question: Separation – Yes or No? Especially in a long-term relationship, but also when the heart is still attached to the partner, this question is anything but easy to answer.
Heartache and heartbreak can set in, even when the partner is actually still there. Not infrequently, in such cases, one tends to proceed rationally, shutting off the inner voice and ignoring the feelings. But above all, the heart should decide whether a separation makes sense or not.
Do you still feel comfortable in the relationship or are you perhaps even suffering from the partnership?
Do you look forward to joint activities, are there any joint activities at all or would you much rather spend the available time without your partner?
There are so many considerations that come with the question of separation. However, only one’s own feelings can provide answers to this. Because with rationality and the mind, this problem usually cannot be solved to full satisfaction.
Save the relationship or complete the separation?
A breakup is always associated with heartbreak and pain of separation, because after all, you love the other person or have loved them dearly for a long period of time. In most cases, couples have experienced and gone through a lot together by the time they separate. You have grown together, you are no longer two, but one. It is therefore all the more important to analyze the possible reasons in detail and to weigh up whether it would be worthwhile, or whether it is at all possible, to save a relationship permanently without the parties involved going round in circles. As difficult as the decision is, it is necessary, because constant and nagging doubts that go unheeded tend to be counterproductive to an intact relationship.
If you are thinking about the future of your partnership, you should listen above all to your heart and only a little to your mind. Our mind tends to work rationally. In the case of the question of separation, he would probably weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and act accordingly. Instead, the heart tells us something about the feelings and emotions we feel and live. The heart feels heartbreak, separation pain and love pain, which the mind could overcome purely without feelings. However, the fear of heartbreak and pain of separation should not be the deciding factor when it comes to the question separation: Yes or No?
Separation: Yes or No? – From rationality and emotion
Until 1994, scientists assumed that emotions had a negative impact on important decisions, for example, regarding a breakup. The less emotion that went into a decision, the better that decision had to be. This principle is known from childhood. If important decisions were pending at the time, a pro and con list was once drawn up. The more pros, the more the decision tended to be yes. On the other hand, if the list carried more cons, the decision was more likely to go to no. Sure we could use this principle when asking for a breakup, but where would that leave our feelings and emotions? Possibly we would cause heartache and heartbreak that would not be justified.
On the other hand, we might choose a path that limits us so much in the long run that we break down inside. The latter is especially common in the case of a partnership with children, and even more so if only one partner is working. This is because influencing factors such as one’s own financial dependence, the ideal world for the children would automatically move onto the pro list. Rationally, we would stay with the partner regardless of how we really feel. In such a case, too, love pain can set in, which is due in particular to one’s own dissatisfaction and is usually not so easy to cope with.
Somatic markers influence our decisions – also in love and partnership
In 1994, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio confirmed the finding that purely rational approaches and reliance on the mind, turn out not to be solving decision-making strategies. The basis for this was his research and, among other things, one of his patients who had a brain tumor removed. Mentally and physically, the patient was completely healthy after the surgery, but he did not feel any emotions after the procedure. In intelligence tests, the patient performed with excellence, but he lacked the ability to make decisions from that point on. He couldn’t even decide which pen to use when there were two in front of him. The fact that he was no longer able to make decisions was due to the lack of emotions. Damasio then also postulated the thesis of somatic markers, which form our body memory.
Somatic markers are also largely responsible for our heartbreak and the breakup pain or love pain that accompanies it.
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Somatic markers form our body memory
Somatic markers are a term for an endogenous signaling system. To better understand how EMDR works, it is very helpful to take a closer look at the renowned somatic marker
Somatic markers form our body memory
Somatic markers are a term for an endogenous signaling system. To better understand how EMDR works, it is very helpful to take a closer look at the renowned somatic marker
However, all this does not mean that purely emotional decisions are the better choice. Because if we were to completely turn off our mind, or not participate in any way in the question of separation, we could lose opportunities that we have not even thought of yet. So when asking the question, “Separation: Yes or No?” it’s important to choose a good mix of emotional and intellectual decisions.
Weigh reasons for a possible separation or for moving on
Those who are thinking about a breakup are usually dissatisfied with the current overall situation of a relationship. He may feel misunderstood or feel that he no longer loves enough. Thus, there are reasons to ponder the question. Possible reasons for a separation could be, for example, different interests, or the feeling of being confined. Maybe you have simply grown apart in the course of time or you simply have no desire for each other, that is, the sexual attraction is missing or the sex is only more bad than good.
In addition, however, there are also reasons for staying. If these reasons do not exist, the consideration regarding a separation is only wasted time. Reasons for staying could be, for example, an intimate connection, the feeling of freedom, good conversation and openness, common interests or even good sex. Certainly, the reasons mentioned for a separation and for moving on are very sweeping, after all, they are also only meant to serve as examples.
How to proceed with the question: separation – yes or no?
Those who want to cope with the question of the yes and no of a separation should reconcile reason and feeling. For example, the dispatch could ask the questions that the heart answers. Fear of heartbreak, heartache, separation pain should not be in the foreground at all. Heartbreak can be overcome with time just as heartbreak can be overcome. It is important first of all to endure the current situation, to bear it and to make a decision that is the most suitable solution for all parties involved. No one should fool themselves about this. It should also be remembered that there are ways to save and actively work on a relationship that is currently not going so well. Which questions and facts decide on the question of a possible separation is very individual and, above all, depends on one’s own ideas and priorities. Everyone should go deep within themselves and ask themselves one thing above all: What does the heart want and say? Is the love strong enough to overcome the hurdle, or do you see yourself possibly somewhere else entirely in five years, without your current partner?
Especially such a momentous decision-making process can be supported very successfully with the EMDR method. Because your own mental blocks sometimes prevent a wonderful solution.
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Dissolve mental blocks yourself with EMDR and the REMSTIM 3000
Dissolve mental blocks yourself with EMDR and the REMSTIM 3000 Already with his first breath the human being collects experiences. He is constantly learning for his future life. Our brain
Dissolve mental blocks yourself with EMDR and the REMSTIM 3000
Dissolve mental blocks yourself with EMDR and the REMSTIM 3000 Already with his first breath the human being collects experiences. He is constantly learning for his future life. Our brain
