Fear of the great loss
Fear of losing a loved one, fear of losing a job, fear of losing one’s image, fear of losing one’s partner: Fear of loss occurs in many different facets and affects almost every human relationship.
For example, the parent-child relationship, in which the child fears losing affection, prestige, and recognition. Or a love relationship in which the loss of the partner is feared and those involved sink into heartbreak and separation anxiety.
In view of society’s increasing demand for mobility and flexibility, attachment to a person also always means the risk of experiencing the loss of the same. Fear of loss and fear of attachment belong directly together: Because in order to be able to develop the feeling of loss anxiety, one must first know the feeling of attachment. In this context, fear cannot be classified as fundamentally negative. Fears warn us of dangers and make us cautious in certain situations. Thus, in many cases, fear of loss or separation is understandable and, to a certain extent, normal. After all, who is not afraid of losing a loved one?
The deep reason behind the fear of loss
Already the Dalai Lama aptly expressed, “Most of our problems stem from our passionate desire to cling to something we mistakenly accept as permanent.”
When people form a bond, they build trust with others. This is the prerequisite for a lasting relationship with mutual responsibility.
The very first attachment occurs within the parent-child relationship. If this is associated with disappointment or even separation, there may be a fear of dependency and thus attachment. Moreover, people have always been determined by a need for closeness. If a bond appears to be in jeopardy, or if the person imagines it, fear of loss may set in. These pure projections of one’s own brain can then result in strong jealousy in connection with a love relationship, for example.
Affected people fear feeling unloved, inferior, or even worthless as part of their attachment anxiety. Many report that fear of loss is accompanied by, among other things, a queasy feeling, with sufferers feeling depressed and anxious. This has an effect on one’s mind and well-being. It is necessary to separate non-diseased and diseased fear of loss. The latter manifests itself, among other things, through a highly irrational and exaggerated level of fear. Sleep disturbances, fainting and panic attacks, alcohol and drug addiction or depression can occur as concomitant symptoms and be an indication of a pathological form of fear of loss. (Read more about this under When anxiety becomes an illness).
In the case of a non-diseased fear of loss, there is the possibility of helping oneself.
EMDR self-coaching is the solution in numerous cases. Learn more at Overcoming Anxiety in EMDR Self-Coaching with EMDR Goggles REMSTIM 3000.
