If you repeatedly put off important tasks even though you want to take action, it’s worth distinguishing between practical obstacles and emotional avoidance. Unclear planning, missing information, or habits that lead to distraction require different steps than fear or shame at the thought of the task. The six-step EMDR self-coaching program —developed by EMDR and trauma therapist Thomas Buhl—offers a possible approach for addressing this specific emotional burden when dealing with manageable everyday issues. The right kind of support depends on what is actually holding you back.
Sunday evening. You look at your calendar and carry over three tasks to next week. The same three as last Sunday. You’ve gotten a lot done in other areas. You’ve been busy, kept your appointments, and helped people. But these tasks are the only ones that have been left undone again.
Putting it off makes you feel uneasy. You know things will get tighter next week. Still, you feel a brief sense of relief: you don’t have to deal with it today. But right after that, the self-reproach sets in: “Why can’t I get this done?” Maybe it even turns into: “There’s something wrong with me.”
At this point, it’s worth taking a closer look. The word “procrastination” describes a pattern of putting things off. It doesn’t yet explain exactly what’s happening in your case.
Not every postponed task is procrastination
There are valid reasons to put something off until later. Another task is more urgent. You need feedback. You really don’t have enough time. When you reprioritize, you’re organizing your daily life. Even a deliberate break isn’t proof of a procrastination problem.
In contrast, what’s typical of problematic procrastination is the gap between intention and behavior: You want to get started or continue working, but you put it off anyway, making it harder for yourself to get the task done. You may end up under time pressure, miss opportunities, or lose confidence in your own commitments.
From the outside, both can look similar. An unfinished task doesn’t reveal whether someone has made a sensible change of plans, gets distracted regularly, or is shying away from a stressful expectation. Even the label “lazy” doesn’t help much in making this distinction. It describes neither the obstacle nor the moment when your intention is lost.
Four obstacles that require different approaches
Organization and Scope: Maybe “take care of paperwork” is on your list, but that actually involves ten different tasks. You haven’t figured out the effort involved or even where to start. Or maybe you regularly schedule more than you can fit into a day. In that case, the first step is to review your planning. An unrealistic workload won’t get any smaller by beating yourself up over it.
Information and Skills: Sometimes a number is missing, someone else hasn’t made a decision yet, or you still need to learn a certain skill. As a result, you can’t take the next step in a meaningful way. This can be frustrating, but for now it’s simply a practical obstacle. You need information, practice, or support to complete the task.
Distraction habits: Maybe you reach for your phone as soon as a task becomes monotonous. You switch between apps without sticking with one thing for very long. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a deeper emotional reason behind this. Your surroundings and the way you typically handle interruptions deserve some attention here.
Emotional Avoidance: You know what needs to be done, you could do it, and you have time for it. But as soon as you take a closer look at the task, something feels uncomfortable. You expect criticism, feel ashamed of how far behind you’ve fallen, or feel out of your depth when faced with a challenge. Avoiding the situation gives you temporary relief from this experience.
These four perspectives do not represent fixed personality types. They can overlap. An unclear task can trigger uncertainty; frequent procrastination can also lead to feelings of shame. What matters is which obstacle comes into play in the specific situation.
The fork in the road just before the start
With emotional avoidance, there’s often a slight disconnect between your intention and the actual activity. You want to get started on the task. Then an unpleasant thought pops into your head, and suddenly something else seems more important.
What happens in the seconds before an intention turns back into avoidance? Maybe you can already picture someone rejecting your result. Maybe you think, “I’m not good enough for this.” Or maybe you just feel a sense of reluctance at first and only then look for a reason not to get started today after all.
Whether this is the case for you can’t be determined by the length of your to-do list. One clue might be that your unease increases when you start working on a particular task and subsides again when you set it aside. This doesn’t prove a cause. However, it does show that, in addition to organization, your inner reaction also deserves attention.
High expectations can play a role here. They can make even a decent start seem inadequate. Self-doubt, in turn, can turn a single difficulty into a judgment on your overall ability. Both can contribute to putting things off, but they are not the same as procrastination.
A task can trigger more than just a thought
Stressful expectations don’t always remain at the linguistic level. The thought “I’m going to make a fool of myself” can be accompanied by shame, along with a flushing of the face or a tightening in the stomach. Another person might experience more anger and tense shoulders. Some feel heavy and can barely move.
According to the EMDR approach, such reactions are an important part of the experience. Past experiences can influence how you respond to a current challenge. Someone who has been embarrassed by a previous attempt may feel hesitant even when faced with a later, manageable task. This does not mean that every instance of procrastination stems from a past experience or trauma.
You don’t need an explanation from your past right away either. For now, a detailed description of the present is enough: What is the task? What thought comes to mind? How does it make you feel, and do you notice any physical reaction? If nothing unusual comes up, there’s no need to invent a hidden block.
When EMDR Self-Coaching Opens Up a New Perspective
Take Sunday evening from the beginning. Postponing it again triggers the thought, “Something’s wrong with me,” along with a sense of pressure or heaviness. This brief moment can be a topic for self-coaching. The goal would be to work through the stress you experience when you look at this task.
EMDR self-coaching incorporates thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations and combines the chosen topic with bilateral stimulation, primarily through guided eye movements. It focuses here on the specific internal reaction. It does not replace missing information or realistic planning, nor does it promise to eliminate procrastination entirely.
Self-coaching is appropriate for manageable, non-clinical everyday issues. If a situation overwhelms you, you’re confronted with traumatic material, or you can’t calm yourself down, you need professional support. Persistent procrastination that causes significant limitations should also be evaluated by a professional. Neither ADHD nor depression can be diagnosed based on a to-do list alone.
Which question will help you move forward now?
For one of the three tasks you’ve put off, start by simply observing the transition: What happens immediately before you postpone it again? Write down a specific observation without judging yourself.
If there’s a factual omission, that’s where the clarification begins. If the need to do everything flawlessly is driving your behavior, it’s worth taking a closer look at your perfectionism. If the task becomes a judgment about yourself, self-doubt takes center stage. If a clear inner block is evident, it deserves its own examination. And if you already understand your procrastination pattern, you can focus specifically on how to change it.
