Letting go of perfectionism begins with aligning expectations with the purpose of a task and actually accepting that the work is good enough. If, despite meeting the criteria, bringing the task to a close feels emotionally threatening, a new work rule alone is often not enough. EMDR self-coaching can then address a specific stressful situation involving a deadline or completion. This allows you to work through your internal reaction while maintaining reasonable standards for your work.
This is the third time you’ve redesigned the invitation for a party you’re hosting. The date, location, and all the necessary information are correct. It’s been legible for a while now, too. Still, the current version suddenly seems too plain again. You start over, even though you were actually planning to print the invitations.
You realize for yourself that things can’t go on like this. “This time, I’ll just let it go,” you’ve already decided. But as soon as you’re about to finish the design, your jaw tenses up. The idea of letting it go makes sense on paper, but not right now.
Determine what the work is intended to accomplish
You don’t have to lower your standards everywhere. For this one task, ask yourself what purpose it is meant to serve. The invitation should convey the necessary information clearly and be appropriate for the occasion. It’s not a design contest.
Before you make your next edit, write down a few verifiable requirements. Be sure to distinguish between what needs to be correct and what you’d simply like to improve. An incorrect address requires a correction. A different color combination, on the other hand, would be a matter of taste.
Specify what happens to the result once all the necessary conditions have been met: The current version is printed. You can save any additional ideas for another project.
However, don’t treat this criterion as a new test that you have to pass perfectly. If a requirement actually changes, you’re allowed to make revisions. The question is whether a valid reason has arisen or whether the same dissatisfaction is once again calling the entire design into question.
What’s stopping you from continuing to work?
You may realize that you can easily stop once the purpose is clear. In that case, your high standards were primarily a work strategy that you can consciously adjust.
It’s different when a decent result triggers a sense of threat within you. When printing it out, you might think, “If this is just average, I’m a disappointment.” The extra design work is meant to prevent you from having to feel that way. Changing the font might not alleviate that fear, though.
In his work, Thomas Buhl describes how limiting beliefs and avoidance strategies can restrict our actions. When it comes to the pressure to be perfect, it’s therefore worth considering the personal significance of giving up. Are you anticipating specific criticism, feeling ashamed of a perceived shortcoming, or have you already started to devalue yourself?
The answer doesn’t have to be particularly profound. You don’t need to explain your childhood or prove that someone was too strict with you in the past. Sometimes the current expectation is clear enough to work with.
Deal with the moment when you feel like giving up on everything
Choose a single moment from your project: The invitation is finished; you want to print it out, but you think, “It’s still not good enough.” You feel a sense of shame or dissatisfaction, along with a clenched jaw and the urge to start over from scratch.
This makes the issue tangible. You’re addressing the unease that arises when you finish this version. The general directive, “I need to get rid of my perfectionism,” on the other hand, leaves open what you actually want to work on.
An upcoming evaluation or a clearly remembered past criticism can also serve as a point of reference, provided it comes to mind naturally and remains manageable. Don’t go looking for the most painful memory you can find. For self-reflection, what matters is whether you can turn your attention to the chosen moment and then step back from it again.
For this work, EMDR and trauma therapist Thomas Buhl has developed his own six-step self-coaching process. In this process, the issue, emotion, and bodily sensation are acknowledged and linked to bilateral stimulation through guided eye movements. The subsequent reflection focuses on whether the distress has changed and what attitude toward the issue now feels appropriate.
If you want to use EMDR at home, limit yourself to manageable, non-pathological everyday issues. This requires that you have learned the complete process. The book and video tutorial explain the individual steps and their limitations. If you experience severe self-deprecation, overwhelming memories, or significant limitations, professional guidance is recommended. You may stop using the technique at any time.
Let the final version stand
After doing this inner work, you return to your objective criteria. Perhaps coming to a conclusion feels easier; perhaps your reaction has hardly changed. Both deserve honest observation. A sense of relief would not be proof of the invitation’s quality, and lingering discomfort does not automatically render it useless.
So check the required information and complete the final step if everything is correct. Maybe there’s a detail you’re not quite happy with yet. You can still print out the invitation. “Good enough” doesn’t have to feel like “great.”
If you find yourself wanting to discard everything again, take note of the specific fear that’s surfacing this time. Even when doing EMDR on your own, don’t put pressure on yourself to do everything perfectly. If the distress remains high, seek support instead of putting pressure on yourself by doing more and more sessions.
Evaluate the financial statement based on its purpose
In a future project, you can compare: Did the criteria you set earlier hold up? Was further revision really necessary? What could you leave open as a matter of personal taste? This way, you’ll learn from actual results which requirements are helpful.
When it comes to the invitation, the final product doesn’t have to look spectacular: the information is correct, the design is legible, and the copies are printed. Keep this standard in mind for your next similar project. It will remind you how to tell when something is finished, even if you come up with a different design.
