After a failed attempt to start over, you need to distinguish between two things: What needs to be changed about the plan, and what emotional burden does the memory of the failure trigger? EMDR self-coaching can address the sense of heaviness or shame you feel when revisiting the task—using a manageable everyday situation as a starting point. It won’t undo a missed deadline; for your next attempt, you’ll still need a realistic, revised plan of action.
You pull out the documents for a project that’s been sitting there for weeks. You’d agreed to write an article for the club’s history, started it, and then kept putting it off. The agreed-upon deadline has passed. Now there’s still one chance to turn it in late. But even your old notes are enough to discourage you.
“I’m failing again.” The thought is there before you even read what you wrote back then. Maybe you slump in your chair. You’d love to put the papers away. It’s no longer just the work that lies ahead of you. At the same time, you’re confronted with your failed first attempt.
What is truly over, and what is still possible?
A fresh start must be tailored to the current situation. First, determine whether the task is still needed, what the current deadline is, and what scope is feasible. Perhaps the piece can be shorter. Or perhaps the opportunity has indeed passed. In that case, it wouldn’t make sense to continue pursuing the old project unchanged.
This clarification isn’t a way of avoiding your feelings. It creates a solid foundation. A missed opportunity can’t be recovered simply by having more confidence, and a task that’s too big won’t become any smaller just because you blame yourself.
Also, check to see what you already have. Your notes haven’t disappeared just because you missed the deadline. Some parts might still be useful. Your first attempt may not have produced a finished result, but it may still have provided material you can work with now.
“It didn’t work out” becomes “It will never work out”
When you try again, a past outcome can feel like a prediction. You remember the setback and immediately expect it to happen again. It feels as though the disappointment from back then is already part of the next attempt.
As a result, even a small step takes on added significance: it’s meant to prove that you won’t fail this time. You might feel the urge to get a lot done right away to make up for your previous result. Under these circumstances, another unproductive afternoon would not only be frustrating but would also confirm that familiar judgment.
You don’t need to sugarcoat the failure. You missed the deadline. You may have kept someone waiting. Acknowledging that is different from predicting the same outcome for every future attempt. What matters is which conditions you can actually change today.
Assign a different task to the second attempt
Don’t just repeat the old promise in a more polished form. Saying, “This time I’ll write it all in one evening,” might actually keep you stuck at the exact point where you got stuck before.
For the chronicle entry, the new task could be to organize the existing notes into a single section. This will make it clear what is already there and what information is missing. This is not a complete correction of the first attempt, but a meaningful part of the work that can still be done.
Also, make a note of where you can pick up again if you have to take a break. A quick note at the end of your work session is enough: Which paragraph comes next? What question is still open? That way, you won’t have to piece together where to start from memory every time.
Even if this revised assignment is still associated with significant shame or heaviness, the reaction to the earlier attempt deserves its own consideration. Further planning alone may not provide an answer.
Edit the encounter using the old test
The specific issue might be the moment when you pull out your notes again, think about the missed deadline, and are already giving up inside. This includes the thought, “I’m failing again,” the disappointment, and a palpable sense of heaviness. You don’t have to dwell on your entire history of unfinished projects.
Thomas Buhl’s book and tutorial describe how to work through a currently distressing issue without first having to explain its full cause. His own six-step approach to EMDR self-coaching takes into account the emotional and physical experience and combines it with bilateral stimulation. Here, the focus is on your current reaction when revisiting the issue.
One possible source of relief would not be a retroactive correction of the failure. It might allow you to view the remaining task with a less burdened perspective; however, there is no guarantee that this will happen. The contribution continues to be the result of objective work.
To use EMDR on your own, you need to have fully mastered the process and have a specific, non-pathological issue related to your daily life. You may stop the process at any time. If the memory overwhelms you or if you experience persistent low mood and significant limitations, seek professional help. Repeatedly putting it off is not, in and of itself, a diagnosis.
Your next attempt doesn’t have to disprove your entire past
Go back to the task that’s possible today. Which notes belong in this section? What’s still missing? Measure your progress by that, not by whether you’re feeling consistently confident right now.
If you get stuck again, you can examine the current reason without declaring the entire fresh start a failure. Maybe you need some clarification; maybe the scope was still too broad. Today, a well-organized section should suffice. It won’t undo the missed deadline, but it’s already part of the new attempt.
