When you’re procrastinating at work, it’s worth taking a closer look at a specific task that’s been left undone. Missing data, unclear responsibilities, or insufficient time need to be addressed objectively. If the necessary conditions are in place but the overdue email triggers feelings of shame and anxiety, you can EMDR self-coaching address this limited internal reaction. It is no substitute for work organization or necessary communication, and it does not turn a delayed response into a timely one.
In your inbox is a request from a colleague asking for the latest figures. You marked it as unread so it wouldn’t get lost. The figures have been available for quite some time. But every time you open the email, your eyes are drawn first to the date. Another day has gone by.
You click on another message that can be answered quickly. You’re not just sitting around doing nothing. It’s just that the reply someone is waiting for never comes. Maybe you get a lump in your throat as soon as you think of her: “It’s too late now anyway. What will she think of me?”
Can the task actually be completed right now?
First, review the work assignment. What information is needed? Do you have reliable data, and are you authorized to share it? Is it clear who is supposed to provide the answer? Open authorization is not a matter of personal discipline. It must be obtained.
Having enough time to work is also one of the prerequisites. If you have more urgent tasks than you can handle at once, you’ll need to prioritize or find ways to lighten your load. Self-coaching shouldn’t be used as a way to quietly shift an unmanageable workload onto your personal shoulders.
In the email scenario described, the situation is more complex: The request is clear, the data is accessible, and a response would be possible. You are deliberately avoiding this task. This allows us to examine what happens when you open the message, beyond the task at hand.
Suddenly, an answer is supposed to explain the delay as well
The longer a request goes unanswered, the more mental work it can entail. Now you don’t just want to send some numbers. Your response should also explain why you haven’t replied yet, make a good impression, and avoid any potential annoyance.
Maybe that’s why you keep starting with the introduction. “I’m sorry…” sounds too weak to you, and a detailed explanation seems too cumbersome. You lose sight of the information your colleague actually needs. What should be a straightforward explanation turns into an attempt to verbally undo the entire delay.
Keep these issues separate. A delayed response may require a brief, honest explanation. However, it doesn’t have to prove that you’re never unreliable. What matters most to the recipient at first is whether she can continue working with the information you’ve provided. You can’t fully control how she interprets the delay.
Between the date line and clicking away
The revealing moment here isn’t when you think, “I need to be more productive.” It’s when you look at the old date. Maybe the thought “It’s too late now anyway” pops into your head, followed by shame, a sense of constriction, and the urge to deal with another message first.
Also note whether the tension eases briefly when you click away. In that case, the diversion might incidentally create some distance from that unpleasant self-assessment. The email remains open afterward, unchanged. It is precisely this difference that explains why a busy morning and a growing backlog can coexist.
You don’t need to read too much into it. Maybe some past feedback is playing a role, or maybe this delay is just weighing on you. Just note down the specific incident instead of speculating about a cause you don’t know.
The response to this email as a separate topic
In EMDR self-coaching, the point of reference would be the open-ended question: the date, your thought about the delay, the feeling, and the physical reaction immediately before you avoided the issue. The task is not to mentally resolve all your work-related backlogs.
EMDR and trauma therapist Thomas Buhl has developed his own six-step self-coaching process. His book focuses on the emotional experience—not just another set of tips on how to organize better. The process connects the chosen topic with emotion, body awareness, and bilateral stimulation.
If you want to use EMDR on your own, this should be for non-clinical, everyday stress that you can maintain a healthy distance from. Learn the complete process and assess whether it’s right for you. Forcing yourself to do a session between two appointments just so you can finally get an answer puts you under additional pressure.
If you feel overwhelmed, stop using the app and seek support. Persistent, severe limitations require professional evaluation. Real-life conflicts or stressful work conditions are not resolved through this inner work; appropriate workplace or professional contacts are needed for that.
What your coworker needs from you right now
Next, return your attention to the content of the request. Are the figures complete and up to date? What information does your colleague need to take the next step? Craft your response based on those needs. If anything is still unresolved, state the current status and provide a deadline that you can commit to.
You don’t need a made-up excuse or a long self-incrimination. An appropriate apology can be part of your response. It shouldn’t overshadow the factual information or lead to a new, unrealistic promise.
You should observe separately whether self-administered EMDR has changed your stress levels. You can tell that the task has been completed when the necessary information is available or the open question has been clearly identified. The unread, flagged email can then go back to what it originally was: a specific request with a specific answer.
