Self-doubt can point to a lack of knowledge or call your abilities into question across the board. The key is whether you can identify a specific gap or whether feedback leads you to conclude, “I just can’t do this.” If, despite a factual clarification, you’re still left with a burdensome sense of self-deprecation, then EMDR self-coaching can address the emotional reaction to that feedback. This requires a limited, manageable everyday situation; actual knowledge gaps are closed through learning and practice.
“The text on this page is a little hard to read.” That’s all your girlfriend says as she flips through the photo book you designed yourself. She’s referring to a dark double-page spread. You hear something more profound: The whole book is a failure. You have no knack for this. You probably should have just left it alone.
You close the book. The desire to make any more changes has vanished. It would be easy enough to adjust the text color. But right now, it’s not the design of a single page that’s up for debate—it’s your ability to create anything useful at all.
An open-ended question turns into a judgment about you
It’s understandable not to feel confident right away when faced with a new task. Maybe you’re not familiar with a particular tool yet, have little experience, or don’t know what the requirements are. This kind of uncertainty can be described more precisely: “I’m not familiar with this feature yet.” This also makes it clear what you could learn or clarify.
Global self-doubt is harder to pin down. “I haven’t managed to do that yet” becomes “I’m incapable.” A suggestion for improvement becomes supposed proof that you’re fundamentally inadequate. Yet the feedback may be correct without your judgment of yourself being accurate.
Your self-image here feels like a distorting mirror: a single weakness suddenly takes over your entire view. The book’s strengths fade from your awareness. What you’ve already learned and put into practice hardly matters at that moment.
A realistic self-assessment can include both. You may have a skill but still need to improve in some areas. You may need help but still be capable of continuing your project. Constant certainty is not a prerequisite for this.
Why Some Judgments Seem So Familiar to You
How you view yourself also depends on the experiences you’ve had and how you’ve interpreted them. Repeated criticism, disappointing attempts, or comparisons can leave their mark. Perhaps you’ve learned to look first for evidence of your shortcomings when you receive feedback.
This can date back to childhood. If one’s own attempts were ridiculed back then, being evaluated today can evoke a similar sense of discomfort. However, later experiences, current demands, or actual gaps in knowledge can also play a role. Self-doubt does not necessarily indicate a specific childhood history or trauma.
Is that uncertainty a sign of a lack of knowledge—or an old judgment about yourself? This question invites you to distinguish between the two. It doesn’t require you to find a specific memory. A familiar feeling alone doesn’t prove where it comes from.
Comparison can also skew your self-assessment. You see the finished result of an experienced person and contrast it with your own learning process. What’s missing from this comparison are that person’s failed attempts, practice sessions, and the help they received. The comparison therefore contains too little information to fairly assess your ability.
When Your Self-Doubts Become Especially Apparent
“I just have self-doubt” can quickly sound like a fixed trait. It’s more revealing to consider when it becomes particularly apparent. When you receive objective feedback? When you’re responsible for something on your own for the first time? As soon as you compare your work to someone else’s?
Such triggers don’t have to be dramatic. In the photo book example, a single sentence is enough. This is followed by your interpretation: “I can’t do this.” Maybe you feel ashamed, fall silent, and no longer want to show your work to anyone. Perhaps your shoulders slump, or you feel a lump in your throat.
Thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations are all interconnected in EMDR therapy. The physical reaction can make the judgment seem immediately convincing: You feel small, so it seems true that you aren’t capable of enough. But this feeling is no substitute for assessing your actual abilities.
Even if no distinct physical sensation arises in the process, the specific trigger remains a useful point of reference.
What specific experience can serve as a starting point for inner work?
Sometimes, even after the facts have been clarified, a significant sense of unease remains. You know that the text color can be changed, but the comment still discourages you. In that case, this reaction also deserves attention.
For EMDR self-coaching, the starting point could be the very moment you hear the comment and close the photo album. You focus on that sentence, the self-deprecation, and the palpable withdrawal. It doesn’t have to mean that your entire person or your entire self-image becomes the subject of the exercise.
Depending on what’s on your mind right now, the topic could be a specific piece of feedback you recall or the prospect of an upcoming evaluation. You choose a specific point of reference. There’s no need to reconstruct a supposedly deeper root cause.
Thomas Buhl’s six-step EMDR self-coaching program combines this experience with bilateral stimulation and targets the associated emotional distress. It does not impart any missing expertise, nor does it provide proof that a criticism was unfounded. Both must be examined separately.
This form of self-help is intended for manageable everyday issues. If self-deprecation significantly affects your life, if you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, or if memories are overwhelming you, professional help is recommended.
What You Can Actually Take Away from Feedback
First, distinguish between what someone said and what you concluded about yourself based on that. In this example, the verifiable point is: The text on one page is hard to read. This leads to a specific change, not an overall judgment.
If a distressing reaction persists, identify the situation in which it occurs. This will help you determine whether you need to fill in knowledge gaps, revise a piece of work, or address your self-deprecation. This classification gives you a direction; the next task is to systematically overcome recurring self-doubt.
